There is a link in my blogzzzz list that will take you to a very special blog: The Madness is the Method
It is the blog of lauren e. simonutti (she liked to use lower-case letters throughout), also known as lauren rabbit. An extremely talented photographer and writer, sometimes a heart-breaking artist that always provided me with moments of Truth.
I first saw her work years ago in deviantART. Then I also found her on Flickr. I never tired of finding her and never tired of viewing her work. Getting lost in it. Suffering in it. But coming back out with a sombering sense of beauty and dignity.
I knew from previous occasions that sometimes she disappeared but that she always came back with new work, new torments and new revelations. She made painfully beautiful artist's books with her photographs and writings and she was brave enough (desperate enough?) to share her fears and hopes with the world.
Going through my blogs list, I often wondered why there had been no new entries in months. Maybe deep inside I knew, I guessed, I feared. I wanted to think that she would come back again.
But just a while ago I decided to do some research online. A belated, clumsy act of interest. Lauren will not be coming back. She crossed to the other side of her lense in April 2012.
She was a stranger to me, I never met her. I do have a couple of her books. And I found this quote of Lauren in a comment Catherine Edelman Gallery wrote on Facebook last April:
"Sometimes the difference between living and dying is just a little bit.
Sometimes the difference between living and dying is just a sigh.
Over (five) years I have spent alone amidst these 8 rooms, 7 mirrors, 6 clocks, 2 minds and 199 panes of glass. And this is what I saw here. This is what I learned. I figure it could go one of two ways- I will either capture my ascension from madness to as much a level of sanity for which one of my composition could hope, or I will leave a document of it all, in the case that I should lose."
Sometimes the difference between living and dying is just a sigh.
Over (five) years I have spent alone amidst these 8 rooms, 7 mirrors, 6 clocks, 2 minds and 199 panes of glass. And this is what I saw here. This is what I learned. I figure it could go one of two ways- I will either capture my ascension from madness to as much a level of sanity for which one of my composition could hope, or I will leave a document of it all, in the case that I should lose."
She finally lost. And I didn't even know it.
Oh, Ersi, how sad! I will see more of Lauren's work now but I just feel very sad. You have written a beautiful tribute and your readers will learn of a wonderfully artistic but lost soul.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Carol. I had exchanged some emails with Lauren and left some comments on her work. Most of the times, I said nothing. It's very hard to find the words when faced with the power and dignity of her two-minded universe. Could anything I'd have said make a difference? I think not. And yet I regret my silence. Or maybe silence is what she craved?
DeleteWhat a tragedy. That work is so beautiful and telling and courageous and now there's no way to tell Lauren any of that. However I feel like she did triumph in someway (for herself) because she did document her experience in a beautiful and profound way and took her own power against an unsympathetic and unhelpful system (and some people, apparently).
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for bringing Lauren's work to my attention.
Thank you Cusp. The visual and written documents Lauren left us are a triumph indeed. She was a fighter, brave enough to look her fears at the face. It's good to know that you like her work, there is so much to see -and see again. Thanks for the comment.
DeleteI keep coming back to this post. It is hauntingly beautiful as is Lauren's work. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Jennifer. I keep imagining Lauren still between those walls, free of her two-minded ties, enjoying the eerie beauty that inspired her to create. And maybe now she can roam outside those walls too. I hope so.
DeleteErsi, I've now spent ages reading, looking at Lauren's wonderful blog. Very moving, but also inspiring, that she suffered so much yet continued to make great art. I wish I'd known about her years ago but thanks to you I know her now.
ReplyDeleteI am touched that you felt inspired to explore Lauren's universe. I hope her galleries will remain online for people to view and appreciate. I do thank you, Carol.
DeleteE - such a sad post - so difficult when folk struggle with the demons and just can't manage to win out. Not only a loss of talent but a loss of love to so many folk on so many different level. B
ReplyDeleteA sad post, yes. It even surprised me that I should feel so desolate for Lauren's death. I never quite understood how her confusion and fear could produce such discerning, revealing work. I keep going back to it.
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