Whether you've reached this blog willingly or by force I'm happy to have you here.
ersi marina's workroom is always open to the public, even when I am not in. Sometimes I need to sleep.
And to paint.
And to play with my four cats.
My name is Ersi Marina and I live in Spain though I was born and grew up in Athens, Greece. I kept it all very Mediterranean.
This blog is a means to share my work and snippets of my life, as well as to be in contact with you all. I hope you'll enjoy your visit.

Monday, 22 July 2013

a well-behaved rebel

That's me. I should give credit to my mother for both adjectives, though she never used them together. She either scolded me saying that I was a rebel or she insisted on the virtues of being well-behaved. She was right on both counts. And good old me grew up to become a well-behaved rebel. A non-pathological schizophrenia of sorts.

Can you see that 'Angry Young Men' expression on my face? I was about sixteen here and it was a nice summer day on the beach. Why would the rebel in me lash out? Because I hated having my picture taken. I still do.

Two years later I still carried that wistful look around, even on vacations. The rebel was embedded in me. The nice, patient lady next to me is my mother. I can't really be sure after all these years but I think we had just had an argument. But we were both well-behaved.

Fast-forwarding to my twenty years of age. But lo and behold! I am smiling! Well, I did and often too. I still smile a lot and I love laughing. But the wistful rebel is always around here somewhere. And she is being really insolent lately.

Going through these old photographs is fun and so is sharing them with you. There's a reason for it too, as you'll see soon. But before I take a giant leap into the present, I'd like to post just one more photo.

My mother and I went went on a trip to Cyprus when I was 22. She was a doctor, an anaesthesiologist, and she was attending a congress. I went along for the fun. But looking at this shot... would you say wistfulness can be inherited?

Ok, I won't ramble on any longer. All this came about because of my inner state of discomfort and fatigue. Maybe you read about it in my previous blog post: do it with passion or not at all. During the three weeks that have gone by the only news I can share is that I have been feeling more tired and depressed every day. Five days a week are being sucked out of my life and I need the two remaining ones just to catch my breath and my thoughts. I gaze at my papers and brushes with yearning and yet just the thought of trying to create something is unbearable. I don't feel strong enough for it, it drains me out. Not even the easy things, the fun things. My creative self is simply not here.

But the rebel is. She won't stop nudging me on the ribs and, believe me, she's strong. I'm kind of fond of her too, why deny it? I haven't been able to make a decision about my job yet and I haven't been able to dismiss the urgent need for a decision either. Too long a time to walk the tightrope.

While I play being an acrobat, there's an easier decision to make but I need your help on that a bit. My BigCartel shop attic papers is good to go.

All items are featured as 'coming soon' and how soon depends on some information I need. I live in Spain and most people are on summer holidays in July and August. Probably not the best time of the year to open a new shop. But then I don't expect to sell much locally given the economic crisis. So how are things in Great Britain, the United States, Australia, etc.? Would the end of July be a nice moment to open my shop? Should I wait till the end of August? I'd really appreciate it if you gave me some clues and thank you in advance for your help.

I do also thank you for your supportive comments to my previous post, they made me feel better and not so much alone in this jam. I may not be a frequent blogger but I do believe that creating this blog was a GREAT idea!

Tuesday, 2 July 2013

do it with passion or not at all

During this long period of blog silence, with just that one entry that was the exception that confirms the rule, I have been spending leisure time on Pinterest. Things have been difficult or maybe I should say that life in Spain has become very difficult. The economic crisis is everywhere and affects everything. Simple everyday living is... Scratch that. There is no simple everyday living. There is struggle and pain and poverty.

After a couple of months of uncertainty and anxiety I finally took a job dividing my time between the Exhibition Hall and the local Tourist Office. The Exhibition Hall is run pretty much as a tourist attraction too, so I can't really tell the difference. Gone are the days of contacting artists and planning workshops and other activities. Now it's all about getting the largest number of visitors possible and I am a robot that repeats the same information over and over and over again.

Now you see where Pinterest comes into the picture. Without looking for them, I have been stumbling into quote after quote urging me -because I really do feel they are meant for me- to do away with my hated day job and dedicate my efforts to what matters most. My art.

Now why did I have to come upon Emile Zola's quote precisely now? To flare up my indignation and spur my rebelliousness, I guess. Because I need to put all my personal work on hold till October and that, my friends, is gnawing at my heart and at my mind. I need to work on my projects, and I have quite a few but no time for them.

I do have a big 'yes' burning inside but not the courage to say 'no' to those other things. I'm up against the ropes and what it really means is that I'm very unhappy.

I know this is not supposed to be easy but I need to figure out if it is even possible. Can I make it possible? Or should I settle for something that belongs to the past?

But I am going that way. It's like driving on reverse and my neck is stiff from looking back so intensely.

Passion and common sense are two powerful contrary forces and I'm right in the middle, receiving blows from both sides. I am a quiet person who doesn't like to be pushed but having to attend hundreds of tourists every day is pushing too much. I'm on the verge of... what?
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