welcome!

Whether you've reached this blog willingly or by force I'm happy to have you here.
ersi marina's workroom is always open to the public, even when I am not in. Sometimes I need to sleep.
And to paint.
And to play with my four cats.
My name is Ersi Marina and I live in Spain though I was born and grew up in Athens, Greece. I kept it all very Mediterranean.
This blog is a means to share my work and snippets of my life, as well as to be in contact with you all. I hope you'll enjoy your visit.

Tuesday, 2 July 2013

do it with passion or not at all

During this long period of blog silence, with just that one entry that was the exception that confirms the rule, I have been spending leisure time on Pinterest. Things have been difficult or maybe I should say that life in Spain has become very difficult. The economic crisis is everywhere and affects everything. Simple everyday living is... Scratch that. There is no simple everyday living. There is struggle and pain and poverty.

After a couple of months of uncertainty and anxiety I finally took a job dividing my time between the Exhibition Hall and the local Tourist Office. The Exhibition Hall is run pretty much as a tourist attraction too, so I can't really tell the difference. Gone are the days of contacting artists and planning workshops and other activities. Now it's all about getting the largest number of visitors possible and I am a robot that repeats the same information over and over and over again.


Now you see where Pinterest comes into the picture. Without looking for them, I have been stumbling into quote after quote urging me -because I really do feel they are meant for me- to do away with my hated day job and dedicate my efforts to what matters most. My art.


Now why did I have to come upon Emile Zola's quote precisely now? To flare up my indignation and spur my rebelliousness, I guess. Because I need to put all my personal work on hold till October and that, my friends, is gnawing at my heart and at my mind. I need to work on my projects, and I have quite a few but no time for them.


I do have a big 'yes' burning inside but not the courage to say 'no' to those other things. I'm up against the ropes and what it really means is that I'm very unhappy.


I know this is not supposed to be easy but I need to figure out if it is even possible. Can I make it possible? Or should I settle for something that belongs to the past?


But I am going that way. It's like driving on reverse and my neck is stiff from looking back so intensely.


Passion and common sense are two powerful contrary forces and I'm right in the middle, receiving blows from both sides. I am a quiet person who doesn't like to be pushed but having to attend hundreds of tourists every day is pushing too much. I'm on the verge of... what?

12 comments:

  1. Ersi,
    I was in the spot you are in (without the economic crisis, just a "downturn") last year. I don't have wise words at the moment, but wanted you to know I read your post and empathize with your dilemma.

    The quotes are wonderful inspiration for the future, but you still have to eat now!! Wishing you a bright spot in your day. Hugs, Cindi

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    1. Hi Cindi! Yes, I need to eat now and I wish I could try some of those rich Alaskan fish I read about in your blog. But walking past my work table at home with no time to sit down and draw, paint or whatever is really frustrating. You probably know what I mean. Thanks for leaving a sympathetic comment here, it feels good.

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  2. E-it seems that the global downturn is catching up with the artists everywhere - so many people want to look at art but don't have the disposable resources to purchase what they may think to be non-essential. So not a lot of art being sold or folk wanting to pay for lessons. Fiona and I often talk about doing paid work to enable one to create - finding the balance between the boring and $ earning and the time and resources to create as one wants. E - I do hope you find the balance for you. Go0 well. B

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    1. Just knowing that other artists out there understand is a relief, thanks Barry. Finding a balance between paid work and art has become torture for me and it's even more disheartening to know that this situation is global. I do hope that Fiona and you will be wiser and luckier in your effort. From what I read, there still seem to be many artistic activities and venues in Australia. xx

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  3. Hi Ersi- Many of the same words spoken at the Torpedo Factory Art Center which houses the gallery I belong to. Long hours of gallery sitting with no sales...up and about and chatting with other artists sitting in their galleries and studios...much of the same. People look, appreciate but don't want to buy.

    Ersi- I urge you to just give yourself the gift of even a small amount of time each day to create. Small amounts can add up over the long run. The quotes are very inspiring and striking a balance can be difficult. I've seen your work (virtually, but still..) and it is definitely worth it!!!

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    1. I do thank you, Julie. Every word of support is deeply appreciated. Seeing that things are difficult for the artists all over is disheartening and the situation in Spain is so bad that I can't really see any light at the end of the tunnel. My day job occupies my mornings and also my afternoons, and creating in-between is next to impossible. I may eventually get the knack of it and manage some work of my own. I hope I can get my spirits up soon, that would certainly help.

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  4. Thank you for your comment. I am truly sorry for you situation. Life for me as been mostly easy until last year when it all fell apart,one blow after another- I want to say,and it may sound like a platitude, that as long as you and the ones you love are in good health you will make it through. I am sure you will find a way to continue with your creativity.

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    1. I thank you too, Jackie. I'm sorry you had to go through such a hard experience, I hope things are better now for you. I appreciate your words of encouragement. I live alone (with my four cats), no family or life partner, and not being able to share my worries doesn't help. But I guess it will all pass eventually, sooner than later, hopefully.

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  5. Hi Ersi - there are no easy answers to this time and this space and these feelings are there? Barry and I do work-work but miss our art-work when we can't get to it, it feeds our souls and nurtures us I think. I hope you find ways to bring even tiny little bits of creativity into your daily life to just remind you that this too shall pass...Go well

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    1. Hi Fiona. No easy answers at all. Most of the time I feel so tired that I cannot even try to find some answers. But you are right, this too will pass eventually. Thanks for commenting. xx

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  6. I am in the same place - thanks for your post. I teach part time and work as a graphic designer part time, both jobs keep the wolf from the door (and my kids in college) but they are stealing time from my work and passions. I think all makers feel this way. I hope you find the balance/answers you are looking for soon. Wishing you peace on your journey. Thanks for your honesty -

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    1. Thank you Deb. Outbursts are very rare in me and after allowing myself this one I find out that there are many more artists in the same situation. I'm sorry you are one of them, I'm sorry for each and every one of us. I guess people who wouldn't know what to do if they hadn't a 9 to 5 job would have a hard time understanding our complaints. I appreciate your understanding and your good wishes.

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