During this long period of blog silence, with just that one entry that was the exception that confirms the rule, I have been spending leisure time on Pinterest. Things have been difficult or maybe I should say that life in Spain has become very difficult. The economic crisis is everywhere and affects everything. Simple everyday living is... Scratch that. There is no simple everyday living. There is struggle and pain and poverty.
After a couple of months of uncertainty and anxiety I finally took a job dividing my time between the Exhibition Hall and the local Tourist Office. The Exhibition Hall is run pretty much as a tourist attraction too, so I can't really tell the difference. Gone are the days of contacting artists and planning workshops and other activities. Now it's all about getting the largest number of visitors possible and I am a robot that repeats the same information over and over and over again.
Now you see where Pinterest comes into the picture. Without looking for them, I have been stumbling into quote after quote urging me -because I really do feel they are meant for me- to do away with my hated day job and dedicate my efforts to what matters most. My art.
Now why did I have to come upon Emile Zola's quote precisely now? To flare up my indignation and spur my rebelliousness, I guess. Because I need to put all my personal work on hold till October and that, my friends, is gnawing at my heart and at my mind. I need to work on my projects, and I have quite a few but no time for them.
I do have a big 'yes' burning inside but not the courage to say 'no' to those other things. I'm up against the ropes and what it really means is that I'm very unhappy.
I know this is not supposed to be easy but I need to figure out if it is even possible. Can I make it possible? Or should I settle for something that belongs to the past?
But I am going that way. It's like driving on reverse and my neck is stiff from looking back so intensely.
Passion and common sense are two powerful contrary forces and I'm right in the middle, receiving blows from both sides. I am a quiet person who doesn't like to be pushed but having to attend hundreds of tourists every day is pushing too much. I'm on the verge of... what?